Saying NO! to decrease your stress load

I recently stumbled onto Helium.com, which is a site that pays you to post, yet still has a warm community feel to it. I posted this article on Saying No over there and thought it would be applicable here since it might help some readers with their habit of over committing. So without further adieu:

I used to always say Yes to people even though, deep down inside, I was screaming NOOOOOO!

I recently attended a class at my church that studied the book titled "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud. In this class, we discovered how to verbalize our internal No instead of just submitting to whatever the request on us was. I think the hardest thing about saying No is that you risk losing the relationship with the person you are saying No to.

In order for us to overcome that fear, we have to realize that person's relationship with us probably isn't very valuable to them if they are willing to get angry at us simply for our No response.

People in "real" relationships should be very accepting and respect the other person's No. Please don’t take this to mean that this gives you free reign to respond in whatever manner you choose. It is best to give a courteous No, instead of a contemptuous remark.

I have noticed that people who do not have good boundaries (the ability to make your No mean No, and your Yes mean Yes) are usually the ones that do not respect the No answers of other people. Once you start to acquire the ability to say No, you will naturally gravitate toward people who share this ability with you.

The processes of learning how to say No can be quite difficult, as it forces you to embark on a lifestyle changing journey. You will begin to especially notice situations where you deeply want to say No, yet still have this significant urge to say Yes. If your internal response is an automatic Yes or a Maybe, you should say No. If it is a No, then you should stop, contemplate your answer, and decide whether or not this is the answer you want to give.

I say this because, when you are starting your new life of boundaries, your automatic response will be to give a Yes answer. This is why we must counter it with a No. Even if their request of you is a valid, rational one, the giving of a No answer helps to break the habit of saying Yes automatically.

The sense of accomplishment that comes when you begin to synchronize your external and internal No is overwhelming. Start out small with friends and family you are close to, and gradually transition into more superficial relationships. The processes will take some time, but before long, you’ll be saying NO with the rest of them!